Maybe Next Christmas

Maybe Next Christmas by Matthew Mayfield... a little dark but appropriate considering recent breakup events...



‘Maybe next Christmas’ she used to say
‘We’ll find a new life and we’ll both run away
Maybe next Christmas I won’t be with him
Maybe next Christmas we can start fresh again'

Maybe next Christmas we’ll have reaped what we’ve sown
Maybe next Christmas we’ll have paid what we owe
Maybe next Christmas we won’t be afraid
Maybe next Christmas we’ll both be ok

But you can’t pull the truth out of thin air
And you can’t manufacture what ain’t there
And maybe next Christmas we’ll sit by a fire
Maybe next Christmas you won’t be a liar

Maybe next Christmas I’ll be in your arms
With the scent of the evergreen keeping us strong
Maybe next Christmas I’ll finally get to see
You wearing that dress that you bought just for me

Maybe next Christmas you’ll be by my side
And relentlessly prove to me that I’m worth the fight
Maybe next Christmas I’ll have more to say
Than ‘I gave you everything and you gave me away’

But you can’t pull the truth out of thin air
And you can’t manufacture what ain’t there
And maybe next Christmas you won’t be thinking
That I’m just a criminal and you’re still the queen

Maybe next Christmas I’ll have more to say
Than I gave you everything and you gave me away
I gave you everything and you gave me away
I gave you everything and you gave me awa

How Not To Break Up With Someone

I don’t really know how to start this post… I’ve been crushed –again.  Broken up with via email – again.  Blindsiding me out of nowhere – again.  History repeats itself, almost 5 years later.

She had asked for a few days to think about what she wanted to do with her life, but promised to discuss it when we were both back in town (since I've been gone for a few weeks and she was visiting family back home).

Cue the email before we spoke again:

I'm staying in Kentucky. I know we need to figure out your tv and sofa. I'm not sure when I'm flying back to ca but if you want I can even sell them for you.

I'm sorry we haven't had another convo since I've been home but it's just what I needed.

I'm staying in Kentucky.  That says it all.  Cold and short.  Now calls now go unanswered.  Texts are brief and only about tying up loose ends with furniture.

What little more I could eek out via text:

Can we talk about this?

What else is there to talk about? My feelings for you have changed.

If you don't love me anymore then I'm going to need you to say it. 

I don't love you.

How does that happen in two weeks' time?

Maybe I never did.

I am in shock.  I have no idea what's going on, or why, or how.  Maybe I never did is burned into my brain.

I can't say that I'm totally surprised that she wanted to move back home... her disease has been giving her horrible health issues from the outset of our relationship.  She was unemployed which causes an obvious financial strain.  She was close with her mom and homesick.  All of this created a downward spiral.  My accidentally insensitive dismissal of her question of whether I would ever move back to Kentucky didn't help... I think that made her feel like she couldn't talk to me about what she was thinking.  But there is nothing I can think of that could hurt me more than doing it this way.  Talk about insensitive.  Disrespectful.  Downright mean.

When I knew she was serious about moving home in the last real conversation we had (as it turns out she had already decided before speaking with me about it), I started seriously thinking about moving back to Kentucky.  Would I choose the beach over the person that I loved?  The answer is most definitely no.  I know that I realized it too late, but I had no idea it was that pressing of a decision for her.  I don't know if it would've made a difference.

California is a nice place to live, that is all.  I don't see myself settling down here forever.  I would like to live here for a while longer, but I really miss having people I can rely on; two years in California and I can only count one or two close friends.  Anyway, back to the subject at hand...

There was no attempt to work things out, no honesty about how important and pressing the issue was in her mind.  I would do anything - anything - for her.  And now there's nothing I can do.  Crushed, broken, blindsided.

(Post script edit - as I found out that two weeks later, she's in an official Facebook relationship with a guy in Lexington.  I thought it couldn't get any worse...)


Squeaky swings and tall grass
The longest shadows ever cast
The waters warm and children swim
We frolicked about in our summer skin

I don't recall a single care
Just greenery and humid air
Then Labor Day came and went
And we shed what was left of our summer skin

On the night you left I came over
 And we peeled the freckles from our shoulders
Our brand new coats so flushed and pink
And I knew your heart I couldn't win
Cause the seasons change was a conduit
And we'd left our love in our summer skin

What Animal Cracker Eating Styles Say About Your Personality

A coworker of mine brought a box of animal crackers to work today and shared them with our team.  I couldn't tell you the last time I had an animal cracker, but I definitely have my own style.  Watching everyone eat got me thinking... what does your animal cracker eating method say about your personality?  There are a lot of sites about animal crackers, even some with excessive instructions on how to eat them.  Think about how you eat them before reading the following eating styles to give an honest assessment of yourself.

Head First - You like to dive right into difficult situations and tackle your hardest problems first.  This also means you can be hard headed and might not be as efficient as others.  You're a risk taker and have probably gone bungee jumping or skydiving, or at least plan to.  You're not afraid to confront problems or talk about uncomfortable subjects.  You set your goals high and can be considered ruthless.  You shoot first, ask questions later.  Also, be careful: you're exhibiting acute signs of animal cracker zombie-ism.  Cookie braaaaaaaiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnsssssss.

Compatibility - Look for a Nibbler to balance you out.  They won't compete with you 'head-to-head'.

Legs First - You're a practical person that isn't afraid to try your hand at a new task.  You are great a great multi-tasker but, you don't always finish what you start.  Try to do a better job at going for the kill instead of just disabling your prey.  You're brave but sometimes get into messy situations because you didn't think things through.

Compatibility - A Head First eater will help you finish what you start.  By attacking from different directions you complement each other well.

In Half - You are a realist.  You are calculated and measured in your behavior.  You aren't scared by large problems and can easily split them into manageable sections to make solving them easier.  You like to see progress and are very self-aware.  If you are a Head Half First eater, you share many traits with the Head First eater but can be even more direct and goal oriented.  If you are a Back Half First eater, you are a bit more sneaky and quiet, but just as eager.  You can be more passive but expect the same results as your front half colleague.

Compatibility - Try for an opposite-poled In Half eater for the yin to your yang.

Whole - You grab a cracker and eat the entire animal in one bite.  Much like the honey badger (link), you can be greedy, loud and impatient.  You talk a lot and are quick to action.  You know what you want and are not afraid to take it.  You are dedicated and try to live with no regrets.  You can be a loner and are confident in your own skin.

Compatibility - You have to be willing to sacrifice in some way to find a desirable mate.  You can find a rare Not At All, but you should resist that temptation.  Find the most desirable traits here and focus your energy on adjusting your style to complement theirs.

Nibble - You are a persistent person, attacking problems from all sides as needed.  You are always busy and believe that going slow and steady wins the race.  Sometimes you can be unsure and tentative.  You are habitual and consistent in everything you do.  People know that they can count on you no matter what.

Compatibility - You go well with any other type because of your flexibility.  Have your pick of the lot.

Not At All - These people are not to be trusted.  Ever.

Compatability - No one.












In closing, you should drop what you're doing and go buy a box of animal crackers tonight.  Use this test on anyone to gain insight on their personality... significant other(s), job interviewees, babysitters, whoever.  You're welcome in advance!

I am a firm believer that abstract behavior patterns are a better indicator of personality types and compatibility than astrology.  I have leisurely studied Kokology and played a game called The Cube with friends and even strangers.  You would be surprised about how seemingly unrelated topics can reveal hidden feelings and traits, even if you have just met someone and know nothing of their background (if you've ever studied Freud or Jung this should sound familiar).  So you can take all of this as a joke, which it is, but there are truths to a lot of these personality types.

I Went and Found a Girl

When I first moved to California last year, my friend Rameen linked me up with a Kentucky girl named Lindsay. We only hung out once in 2011 but chatted back and forth online pretty frequently while working. I'm still not quite sure how I wore her down, but we went on our first true date a few weeks ago and it looks like this could be a very good thing. I haven't felt this kind of potential in YEARS, and that's not just the infatuation talking. I mean, I am infatuated, but still. She has all of the traits of my ideal girl and that's something I haven't found since high school. She seems to like me too, so I didn't hesitate in posting all of this here. It's nice to have someone that recognizes the same potential in you.

Now that my project is wrapping up in California, I had the chance to go back to Australia or back to Atlanta if I chose. Both were tempting, but I'm going to stick it out here for a while. I don't think I'll ever get tired of living on the beach and this might be something worth staying to see what happens. I've spent a lot of time on the road over the past few years - this blog has been based around that. I might have actually found a reason to keep coming back here.

I heard a song by Dawes called Time Spent In Los Angeles that summed it up nicely. I know it's cheesy and whatever, but give me a break. It's been a long time coming.

These days my friends don’t seem to know me
Without my suitcase in my hand
Where I am standing still
I seem to disappear
But maybe that's how I found you
Maybe that's taugh me exactly what I want
Maybe meeting you so far away from home
Is what makes it all so clear

But you got that special kind of sadness
You got that tragic set of charms
That only comes from time spent in Los Angeles
Makes me want to wrap you in my arms

What Women Want

I'm glad this guy finally cleared it up.

Porcupine's Dilemma

Have you ever heard of the Porcupine’s Dilemma? It’s an analogy to problems with human intimacy, and goes like this: A group of porcupines are trying to stay warm in the winter by huddling together. The closer they get, the more they prick each other with their quills. For this reason they have to keep their distance, sacrificing warmth for comfort. The human comparison is obvious, but real. What do you do when you want to engage in close relationships but are unable to because of unavoidable circumstances? Closeness causes ‘mutual harm’ which causes tentative interaction with others which causes weaker relationships.

This is the discussion I had with Marianela, an Argentinean friend I made through Mark (my Cairns friend). We were at a get-together at Marianela and Julia’s house and somehow came upon the topic of how we both traveled a lot and were single. In my case, I’m in Australia for a limited time only. Why try making connections when I’m leaving in a few months? She said that you just have to be open because anything can happen.

Cue the hot girl.

Krista went to grad school with Marianela and came late to the party. She had a bit of an Aussie accent but was actually from Finland. She spoke 6 languages, was studying marketing and surfed. Yes, I had found the elusive surfer chick. We hit it off from the beginning, but she is hesitant. Porcupine’s dilemma, story of my life.