How Not To Break Up With Someone

I don’t really know how to start this post… I’ve been crushed –again.  Broken up with via email – again.  Blindsiding me out of nowhere – again.  History repeats itself, almost 5 years later.

She had asked for a few days to think about what she wanted to do with her life, but promised to discuss it when we were both back in town (since I've been gone for a few weeks and she was visiting family back home).

Cue the email before we spoke again:

I'm staying in Kentucky. I know we need to figure out your tv and sofa. I'm not sure when I'm flying back to ca but if you want I can even sell them for you.

I'm sorry we haven't had another convo since I've been home but it's just what I needed.

I'm staying in Kentucky.  That says it all.  Cold and short.  Now calls now go unanswered.  Texts are brief and only about tying up loose ends with furniture.

What little more I could eek out via text:

Can we talk about this?

What else is there to talk about? My feelings for you have changed.

If you don't love me anymore then I'm going to need you to say it. 

I don't love you.

How does that happen in two weeks' time?

Maybe I never did.

I am in shock.  I have no idea what's going on, or why, or how.  Maybe I never did is burned into my brain.

I can't say that I'm totally surprised that she wanted to move back home... her disease has been giving her horrible health issues from the outset of our relationship.  She was unemployed which causes an obvious financial strain.  She was close with her mom and homesick.  All of this created a downward spiral.  My accidentally insensitive dismissal of her question of whether I would ever move back to Kentucky didn't help... I think that made her feel like she couldn't talk to me about what she was thinking.  But there is nothing I can think of that could hurt me more than doing it this way.  Talk about insensitive.  Disrespectful.  Downright mean.

When I knew she was serious about moving home in the last real conversation we had (as it turns out she had already decided before speaking with me about it), I started seriously thinking about moving back to Kentucky.  Would I choose the beach over the person that I loved?  The answer is most definitely no.  I know that I realized it too late, but I had no idea it was that pressing of a decision for her.  I don't know if it would've made a difference.

California is a nice place to live, that is all.  I don't see myself settling down here forever.  I would like to live here for a while longer, but I really miss having people I can rely on; two years in California and I can only count one or two close friends.  Anyway, back to the subject at hand...

There was no attempt to work things out, no honesty about how important and pressing the issue was in her mind.  I would do anything - anything - for her.  And now there's nothing I can do.  Crushed, broken, blindsided.

(Post script edit - as I found out that two weeks later, she's in an official Facebook relationship with a guy in Lexington.  I thought it couldn't get any worse...)


Squeaky swings and tall grass
The longest shadows ever cast
The waters warm and children swim
We frolicked about in our summer skin

I don't recall a single care
Just greenery and humid air
Then Labor Day came and went
And we shed what was left of our summer skin

On the night you left I came over
 And we peeled the freckles from our shoulders
Our brand new coats so flushed and pink
And I knew your heart I couldn't win
Cause the seasons change was a conduit
And we'd left our love in our summer skin

Weekend in NYC

After my amazing trip to Yosemite (see posts Parts One and Two) I had to work Tuesday-Friday the following week.  Instead of flying back to LA on Friday night and then flying right back east on Sunday night, I decided to stick around and do a few things in New York that I've been meaning to see.  I tried to get Lindsay to fly in and meet me there, but she had some new carpet being installed in her apartment and had to be there for that.  I've been feeling disconnected from her for the past few weeks and I'm not sure why.  But there was enough for me to do in the city to keep me temporarily distracted.  The three major things I wanted to see were the MOMA, Statue of Liberty and 9/11 Memorial.

Museum of Modern Art
The MOMA was home to my two favorite works of art - The Persistence of Memory by Salvador Dali and The Starry Night by Vincent van Gogh.  Picasso, Miro, Kahlo, Pollock, Warhol, Seurat, the list goes on.  The museum is pretty big but you can get through most of it in about 3 hours.  Here are some of my highlights.

Statue of Liberty & Ellis Island
Lady Liberty and Ellis Island are very close together, and for $24 you can see them both in about 2 hours. It's a cheap deal and entertaining to do, especially when you are alone like I was.  I usually don't do audio tours, but this one was easy to use and interesting.  The ferries are 'hop-on, hop-off', so you can spend as much time as you like at each site.

9/11 Memorial
The 9/11 Memorial opened just after I visited New York in 2011 during Hurricane Irene.  This was my first chance to see it and almost coincided with the anniversary of the event, which I think made it more packed than it otherwise would have been.  It's free to get in, and the only downside is that the museum is still under construction.  Overall, it is a powerful place and a beautiful remembrance to those who died.  The Freedom Tower is nearing completion, I can't wait to revisit it when all the planned buildings are done and the construction barriers are gone.

Tuolumne Meadows Yosemite Bro-cation Part II

This is a continuation of another post found here.

At this point we had made it to Lower Young Lake and had taken about an hour to rest, swim in the icy cold lake and lay in the sun.  We hiked up to Middle Young Lake and found a good camping spot.  There was no wildlife anywhere... just a few birds, trees and shrubs among the boulders.  In hindsight, we should have gone up one more level to Upper Young Lake, but more on that later.

Ragged Peak at sunset on Lower Young Lake

We walked around the middle lake, took another swim and refilled our water as we waited for the sun to go down.  At an elevation close to 10,000 feet, small inclines could still take your breath away.  Pat started to feel sick from the altitude and turned in early.  That left the rest of us to crack open our small bottles of whiskey and have our dehydrated dinners.  Even though we were much higher than the night before, the evening wasn't as cool as the previous night.  We were exhausted and without a fire to huddle around, we all turned in around 9 pm and got a better nights sleep since it wasn't so cold.

We woke up the next morning and decided to go up to Upper Young Lake. We kicked ourselves for not taking the extra half hour the day before to camp at this lake.  It was wedged right into the slope of the mountains and provided an amazing 360 degree view.

Panorama of Upper Young Lake

We walked around and took some pictures - it was a pretty amazing sight.  We toyed with the idea of climbing up the steep slopes of one of the mountains but with a big day ahead of us to get back to the trailhead, we finally decided against it.

One of the most spectacular views I have ever seen appeared on our descent to the campsite.  You could walk out on the edge of a rock outcropping to look down on the middle lake and see the lower lake below it, with the mountains and forest spread out over the rest of the scene.

Middle and Lower Young Lake from above

We broke down our campsite and made the long hike back toward the car.  Along the way we debated where we would go for our last night.  We could stay somewhere near our first night's site but we all wanted to see something new.  The important thing was that we had flights to catch in San Francisco around midday.  With a 4 hour drive and gear to pack up before we left, that means we'd have to be pretty close to the car so that we could get an early start.  We all agreed that we would just hop in our cars and find a new campsite near a parking lot so we could hop in and leave quickly in the morning.

One of the domes along the trail

The hike out wasn't nearly as strenuous, I think because we had a better idea of the difficulty and the time it would take.  The entire weekend had been perfect - sunny but not so hot that we were guzzling our water.  By the time we reached our cars we were covered in dust from the trail and pretty tired again.  We didn't have a lake for a refreshing swim so we were stuck being dirty, tired an hungry.

Since I was one of the least experienced hikers among us, I threw out a suggestion.  "Do you all want to forget the last night of camping, drive to San Francisco and get a hotel room with my reward points?  We'll be close to the airport and we can even go out in the city for a drink."

The other guys looked at each other and quickly agreed.  Tim and Pat headed back down to toward San Diego since they weren't flying and the other four of us hit the road for San Fran.  We stopped along the way for food at a Burger King and I took a sink bath to get all of the dirt off of my legs and arms.  We were all so grimy and I'm sure it was a sight to see when we rolled up the W Hotel. They always have hip, young crowds down in the hotel bars and restaurants, and here we roll up all dirty with backpacks strapped to our backs.

We checked in and all took showers - one of the best I've ever had.  We got a few drinks at a bar in Union Square but were all so tired that we again turned in early.

A few of the guys hadn't done sightseeing in San Francisco and we had about 4 hours to waste until the first of us flew out.  I took them to my favorite spot (from blog posts past) to hike and see the bridge at Baker's Beach but it was so foggy that you couldn't even see the span even from directly underneath it.  We cruised through the Presidio, Russian Hill and got lunch at a random taco cafe in the middle of the city.  I love doing things like that in the city... if it were warmer with better beaches, I'd probably move there.

With all of our time spent and flights coming up, we got in the car and headed to the airport.  The weekend ended perfectly for me because I'm not as seasoned in camping and 3 nights in a tent would've been a little much (I know that I sound like a diva).

I hadn't seen Jon in about 5 years.  Nick came out to California back in May, but before that it had been 3 or 4 years.  I'm hoping to go on the next trip and that we can all get together again.

Tuolumne Meadows Yosemite Bro-cation

Nick, one of my friends and roommates from college at Kentucky, plans some kind of outdoorsy 'bro-cation' hiking trip every year.  For one reason or another, I have never been able to join him.  About six months ago he started tossing the idea around about a Yosemite National Park trip over Labor Day.  Since I was already in California, I knew that I had to commit.  I invited my friend Tim along since he recently moved to the west coast, which ended up being a fortuitous decision.

The crew at the trailhead

Tim's roommate, Pat, was keen to go and he is a rep for North Face.  We were able to get a 'wilderness pass' to Tuolumne Meadows through his contacts in the industry.  Apparently there is a lottery and no guarantee that you will get a pass to the area you want.  It's how the park limits the amount of traffic and abuse the park receives every year since the tourism demand is so high.

Along with Nick and one of his friends from DC, we also had my old UK club soccer friend Jon on the trip.  Tim and Pat drove up from San Diego County while the rest of us flew into San Francisco.  We stocked up at REI for food and odd items we were going to need for the next 3 days.  I've never used dehydrated meals so I relied on the other guys' advice to get what I needed... GU, Powerbars, etc.

The trip into the park took about 4 hours, starting off on interstates and slowly winding down to small country roads until you get into the park.  I think it was $20 per car (but make sure you save your receipt to prove you paid as you leave!).  We had to pick up our wilderness pass and bear proof food canister at the main ranger station.  That area is packed with people because Half Dome and El Capitan, the two most famous features of the park, are nearby.  It would've been cool to stick around and take some pictures, but we were on a tight schedule.  It was an hour to our trail head and the sun was starting to go down.

I won't get too detailed on the directions for the trail - you can find those here.  So we set off from the Dog Lake Trailhead which was already above 8,000 feet.  It was dark when we got going (see pic above) and starting to get cold.  It took us about an hour to hike the mostly uphill trail to Dog Lake where we decided to camp for the night.  I have done some hiking, but not a lot with a pack on my back.  And doing it all with just a headlamp to guide my feet was a new experience.

We found out that fires were strictly prohibited at 9,600 feet... and although our campsite wasn't that high up, there was a severe forest fire warning and NO fires were allowed in the park that weekend.  So we pitched our tents and I put on all of my clothes that night.  It was still August but the temps dipped below freezing (our water bottles were solid in the morning).  I had an appropriate sleeping bag for the weather thanks to Pat and North Face and had it cinched so only my face was exposed.  Throughout the night my nose would get cold and I would tuck into the bag.  Then it would feel suffocating and I would have to come up for fresh air.  Repeat that all night and it didn't exactly make for a fitful rest.

Dog Lake

The morning was crisp but as soon as the sun came over the trees we were in shorts and on the trail.  Here's the sight we woke up to at Dog Lake.  We went from there up some pretty steep trails.  Within the first mile or so I realized that my cotton socks were starting to give me blisters.  Big mistake.  Luckily, one of the other guys had an extra pair of moisture wicking socks that I could use.

We had a water pump purifier that saved us from having to lug around too much water at one time.  The trail had some pretty steep uphill climbs but they were always followed by sloping downhills and creeks, so we were able to refill our water and rest.  By mid-afternoon we made it to our destination - Young Lakes.  They're a series of three tiered lakes (Upper, Middle and Lower) nestled right into Ragged Peak of the Sierra Nevada Mountains.

Tim swimming in Lower Young Lake

We were all pretty exhausted and although it wasn't hot we were sweaty and in need of a shower.  Without those kinds of amenities, the next best thing is taking a dip in the lake.  The only problem was that these lakes are filled with snow melt and we guessed around 45 degrees.  Refreshing, but quickly too cold for comfort.  See the next post for details on the rest of the trip.